The PK Files: Entry Four

4.

I found hope in this whole situation. It came in the form of re-hearing a song one of my best friends recommended to me a few months ago. It seems like God knew what I would eventually need and foreshadowed it's coming.

I re-heard the song yesterday on the local Christian Radio Station. I knew I loved the song, so I bought it on iTunes today along with several other songs; it was kind of an afterthought after all of the others. I went outside to do my math in the yard this evening, and played through all the new songs I'd bought.

This one started to pray, and I put down the pencil and pen and just listened. I felt more relaxed then I had in weeks while the song was playing. I nearly cried; that's how much I needed this song to play.

STRONGER- Mandisa

Uplifting, beautiful, inspiring.

Thanks for reading. :)

PeAcE,

M

(T-11 Days:[)

Sidewalk Chalk

Sidewalk Chalk

I was feeling down today. (Only two weeks until we move.) It was a nice evening; the storms had passed. I went outside and kind of walked around for a bit before I discovered the sidewalk chalk that we had in our garage.

I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I just kind of thought. I thought about what was making me sad; thought about what was upsetting me. Then I decided to "draw" the exact opposite of what I was feeling. This is what I came up with:

Inspiration is just what this world needs. People need to start believing in themselves and seeing themselves for what they truly are.

I know no one will see it; people don't come back into my neighborhood often, and the rain will wash it away eventually. But everything comes to an end.

I learned something today. I learned that looking at happy things, making inspirational things, or watching inspirational things really do make a person feel better about anything. All it takes is a little imagination and belief.

Sm:)e more often, okay? Life ain't all thunderstorms.

PeAcE,

M

Lucy

"Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today."

Just from listening to this song, I feel like I experienced it.

Many question flew around after people first heard Lucy. At first, all lead singer John Cooper would say was: "A gist of regret where you wish you had done things differently," and, "Even though there's a specific story, it has a lot of interpretations that have kind of mean a lot to a lot of people already."

Finally, he decided to let the world in on the story.

It is based on a true story. And that story is this: it's about a young couple who find out that they're pregnant. They are in high school, they are not married, and they are absolutely scared to death of the implications — what happens when people find out, and then how to take care of this baby. They don't know what to do. Very frightened. And basically the only option that they think that they have just to get rid of this problem was to terminate the pregnancy. And so they did that. They had the procedure done. And, of course, being young and naive, they thought that all their problems were over, everything was going to be better now, nobody had to find out.

But then over the next few months, something happened to them that happens to a lot of people, which is the fact that they began to feel this immense pain and guilt and sorrow and loneliness over what had happened with the baby. Couldn't get over it. So they finally decided to go see a counsellor. And this counsellor basically suggested for them to stop thinking of it like a medical procedure, and to begin to think of this like a death in the family in order to get over it.

And so this couple goes home, and they decide to do three things. Number one, they decide to hold a small funeral service for the child. Number two, they bought a little headstone as a reminder. It said, "In memory of" — you know, the baby and whatnot. And number three, they decided to name the baby in order to get some closure. And they decided to call her Lucy.

So it's a sad song, but it's also about second chances. It's about talking about an issue that is effecting literally thousands of people all across the world. More of these stories are coming out of people saying, "Had I know that grief that would ensue after having this procedure done, I might have thought twice about it." And so it's meant to bring hope to people. Meant to bring a peace to people. And basically the love of God. All these things are hard, and they effect you, and they're real, but there's a God who loves you and is there for you."

It kind of sounds like it could be the death of a pre-mature infant, too. I've had that happen in my family, which may be why it means so much to me.

Go listen to it, for me. Please. It may have a raw, rock edge to it, but it's beautiful all the same. The lyrics are really what makes it different. I want to cry.

Since I can't possibly figure out how to put a Youtube video up here, click on the bolded Lucy below and it'll take you to Youtube where you can listen to the song.

LUCY- Skillet

I really can't put this song into words, it's so true. How much is hurts, how much grief can tear us all apart. Abortion is wrong, but sometimes it's the only choice. You look back and regret the awful thing you've done, but you have to accept it like a death and move on. But don't forget. Because that would be terrible.

"Here we are, now you're in my arms
I never wanted anything so bad
Here we are for a brand new start
Living the life that we could've had

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life in Heaven
Where we never say goodbye."

PeAcE,

M

God gave me the Rain

Society really has screwed us all up, has it not? People who once thought they were beautiful are being shot down by girls in size zero pants. The brunettes are being ditched in favor of the blondes, and girls with flaws are being traded in for the seemingly flawless girls.

All over the country, the world, teenagers are cutting, starving, and killing themselves all because of two things:

1. Lack of love.

2. Lack of "perfection".

Today, I wasn't feeling good about myself at all. Even though it was my day, (rainy, gray, and dark) I couldn't smile. I felt tired, no good, ugly, depressed. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and pass out for three months.

Instead, I haphazardly packed some boxes in my room -which I was supposed to clean- and ended up making a BIGGER mess. (If that's possible...) I quit at about two, and sat around doing random nothingness until four.

It wasn't raining hard when I went outside. In fact, it was only sprinkling. After wandering aimlessly about my dry garage, I took off my sweatshirt and shoes and stepped out into the rain. I walked in the gutter leading to the drains and danced around in the puddles.

Eventually, it started raining harder. I went and stood under a tree in my front yard and then shook it's branches so that the leaves dumped their water on my head. My first thought was Holy Mother of BARNEY that is COLD. But I continued to do it.

I ran through my yard and splashed whatever water I could find over my head. By the time I went inside, I had soaked clothes, wet hair covered in leaves, petals and a stick, and a nearly make-up less face.

I stared at myself in the mirror for a good five minutes, looking at myself. My hair was hanging down to my shoulders, waterlogged. I had mascara stains on the top of my cheeks and my eyeliner was completely smudged off. My eyeshadow was goopy and dripping down the corner of my eye.

Surprisingly, I felt beautiful. Even at my worst, I felt the prettiest I had in a long time.

God gave me the rain to teach me this lesson:

We don't have to give into society. We should be ourselves to the core, no matter what's "in" or what's "out". IT DOESN'T MATTER. We are absolutely and 100% beautiful people, and we need to let it show.

Don't doubt yourself anymore. Your talents, your fears, your looks, your insecurities, your likes and interests, your dislikes. None of that.

This world is only graced with one you. One absolutely beautiful, amazing, talented, smart, you. Don't throw it away. You make the difference. You save people's lives. You change the world.

No matter what STUPID society says, you're FREAKING PERFECT to me.

Don't forget that.

PeAcE,

M

The PK Files: Entry Three

My Favorite Songs as of Late:

ADELE: Rolling in the Deep.

P!nk: Who Knew?

This is all for the PK FILES ENTRY THREE. My thoughts are too jumbled up right now to sort through. Oh, and my heart ACHES too much to put into words.

Just listen to the songs. Please? For me?

I'm going to go write now. And listen to "Rolling in the Deep" over and over again until my mom screams at me to stop. :D

Have a great weekend.

PeAcE,

M

Crucified?

Easter is a week from tomorrow.

Which means that tomorrow is Palm Sunday.

Which means Thursday is Maundy Thursday.

Which means Friday is Good Friday.

Do you know the paintings of Jesus? You may not have seen all of them, but I'm sure you've seen 'The Last Supper' by Leonardo DaVinci. If not, It's pictured below:

Jesus is the one in the very center. He's the one I want you to picture when I tell this story. So, take a nice hard look at him.

This is what artists think that Jesus looks like; long, brown hair. A beard. My dad looks similar; long brown hair, beard. They both have brown eyes as well. I've always thought that my daddy looked kind of like Jesus -at least what Earthly artists think He looks like.

When I was about three or four, my mom joined a group at our church called "Women Who Sing". It consisted of six to eight women from the congregation who would sing on some Sundays and on some of the "special" services. (i.e. Good Friday, Christmas Eve.) They were going to do a song at the Good Friday service that year.

I don't know who thought of it, but someone decided it'd be a good idea to have "Jesus" hanging from the cross while the song was sung. (I'm pretty sure that two other people hung him, too, but I can't remember.) That same person, or maybe another person, evidently thought that Dad looked like Jesus, too. So, he/she asked Dad to be "Jesus" and "hang" from the Cross while Women Who Sing sung their song.

Since my mom was in Women Who Sing, I was dragged along to rehearsal with my parents. I'd been to a few other rehearsals in my time, simply because Mom had no place for me to go. I didn't really think anything of it; that and the fact that I was, like, four.

When Dad stepped up to the Cross and stretched his arms out, closed his eyes, and didn't move, I started crying. THEY WERE KILLING MY DADDY!!! I actually thought that the people at the church were crucifying my dad. It hurt me more than anything, to think that Dad was dying. Now that I think about it, it'd be a pretty horrific way to die.

In his sermon tonight, Pastor Mark told a story about a reenactment of the crucifixion he'd heard of. Basically, it was a drama that a church put on, utilizing the youth pastor as Jesus. The youth were the jeering crowd. Pastor Mark tells that the group dragged the youth pastor, "Jesus" out and "hung" him on the cross. The pastor that witnessed this said he saw a girl, standing at the front of the group, tears streaming down her face. "For her, it was the real thing. She was there." He said.

How scary would it be to picture someone you care about A LOT or someone you LOVE being crucified on a Cross? To picture that same person doing what Jesus did for you and me? I've seen it, I've heard it, and trust me. You never want to.

Even at the tender age of four, I was scared. I didn't want him to die. It felt REAL. Even though it wasn't. The same thing happened with the teenage girl.

I don't really know what the moral of this story is. But every year, about this time, I always remember. I just felt like I needed to share it.

PeAcE,

M

BEASTLY

Book:

Title: Beastly

Author: Alex Flinn

4/5 Ms.

Main Characters: Kyle Kingsbury, Linda 'Lindy' Owens, Kendra Hilferty, Will Fratalli, Magda.

Summary (Courtesy of Publisher's Weekly, 2007/2008.): "Kyle Kingsbury is a gorgeous high school freshman, spoiled rotten by his famous anchorman father, a man who'd rather dole out cash than affection. Kyle attends the exclusive Tuttle School in New York City and torments those poor unfortunates who lack his looks and wealth. When he humiliates a girl at school, she transforms him into a horrific-looking creature. Kyle's only hope for breaking the spell lies in finding true love-as he reports online in meetings of the Unexpected Changes chat group (other members include Froggie and the mermaid Silent Maid)."

My Thoughts: My favorite part of the whole book would have to be the Unexpected Changes Chat Group. It was so interesting to me to see people like Froggie (No doubt the Frog in 'The Frog Princess') and SilentMaid ('The Little Mermaid') in the chat group as well. Alex Flinn DEFINITELY got some major points for that one. Well, from me anyways.

I also liked that I could get the characters. I knew who they were. When Kyle (now Adrian) was attempting to get Lindy to like him, he bought her things she wouldn't accept. The fancy clothes, furniture, and sheets weren't what she desired. The things that really made her gasp were his roses and her library.

I loved how Lindy was so different from Belle in the original B&B. Lindy wasn't perfect; she was ordinary. (Belle was ordinary too; didn't come from money. But Belle looked absolutely. Perfect.) She also came from a troubled family, but seemed to do alright in the end. You could tell she didn't want to end up like her father, and while she despised him; she still loved him. After all, she did show up to Kyle's prison, didn't she? And she went back to save him from the sickness, even though he treated her like crap. Much like Belle, I loved her simplicity.

But my favorite character, by far, was Will Fratalli. The tutor. No idea why; he just was. I guess it was his unconditional love type thing he held for Kyle/Adrian. Even when said teenager was turned into a hideous monster.

I guess that was my favorite part. The Characters. They brought the book to life, and made me smile all the time. And gasp.

Movie:

Title: Beastly

Director/Writer: Daniel Barnz

Actors/Actresses: Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa Hudgens, Mary Kate Olsen, Neil Patrick Harris, Lisa Gay Hamilton.

My Thoughts: Personally, I prefer the tattoos and scarred skin to hair and claws. Maybe that's just me. I thought it added depth to the movie. Everyone is talking about the wolfy, beary, side of things. This is more realistic.

Comparison: I loved how the movie took it's own creative perspective on things. I honestly liked that better. What I didn't like was how many of the names they changed.

Magda turned into Zola.

Adrian turned into Hunter.

Those are kind of major, don't you think? Maybe that's just me, again.

Other changes:

Kyle had one year to find true love in the movie, two in the book.

Kyle had a magic mirror in the book, not so in the movie.

Kyle took Lindy to a lake house in the movie, a snow cottage in the book.

Personally, I think the word 'based' was used too loosely. Obviously, the movie was based off the the book. But the amount of changes that happened twisted the movie into something that DIDN'T resemble the book. I didn't mind, it just would've been nice to add a few more details to the movie that were in the book; such as the mirror.

Again, maybe that's just me.

PeAcE,

M